June 4, 2024
As our startup activities ramp up and fundraising gets closer, I have recently restarted to attend some (selected) networking events in Madrid for entrepreneurs and company founders.
I have attended many of these events both during my career across four different continents and my postgraduate studies, and now I am doing it again with increasing frequency.
Both in the past and more recently I have witnessed some recurring behaviors that people believe are effective, but in fact- I firmly think - they are not. No surprise many believe networking is useless. I believe instead that effective networking can be an amazing tool to connect with people and achieve your objectives, but it must be done differently than the norm.
Before starting, you should know that I consider myself sitting in the middle of the extroverted/introverted scale, so I am not particularly excited to have random chats with random people but I also do not suffer it too much. I tend to be relaxed and enjoy conversations when they are meaningful, so this post will not be about how daunting is to meet with strangers.
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Before the event => classic, good tips
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A plethora of good networking manuals or websites would suggest to do the following activities:
=> Set a goal: depending on what you want to achieve - meeting new people in your field, potential clients or employers for example - will help you focus your interactions
=> Do your research: finding out who will be attending the event and - especially if there's a speaker of interest to you - learning about their background can give you some conversation starters
=> Prepare an elevator pitch: a well-prepared 30-sec intro of yourself and what you do can help you with an effective delivery (it is surely better than a 10-min mambo jambo)
Fine.
I have not much to add. These simple tips can be effective.
Do not stress out if you struggle to do meaningful research on the attendants as there is space to improvise.
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At the event => common beliefs vs what's right
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Here's where it gets challenging. Too many people at networking events have an agenda that is ONLY focused on themselves and driven by too much of their own self-interest.
People show us to speak about THEM, meet people who can help THEM, not waste THEIR time with people who does not have the right title or power.
They think they need to pitch, ask for contacts, ask for money, do whatever it takes to achieve THEIR objective.
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Hey, what about the other people?
What about the feelings and needs of the OTHERS?
Networking people, well prepared to make the most of a networking event, typically have no answer to the question.
Zero. Nada. Who cares about the others?
(if you are interested about an article sharing some insights on why we all consider ourselves the main character in our life, with very little space for everyone else, take a look here).
Many prepared networkers:
That's very typical.
And that's a recipe for disaster.
This typical and self-centered networking style FAILS to create any genuine connection between people. No connection means no future help.
There is no authenticity. They is no care. There is no real listening.
At this point you would imagine that increased self-awareness would fix all of these issues.
Nope.
Too many people do not see it this way.
The other day I met a couple of professionals who told me that during networking it is fine to break social norms (like being polite and caring about others). There is no time and you need to maximize YOUR OWN opportunities to get the help YOU need (again, no mention about others).
Gosh.
No. It's wrong.
It is not fine to break social norms, fail to be authentic, fail to ask good questions with the willingness to listen back while pretending to receive everything you need back because...well, because it is YOU with YOUR needs.
You will get back zero help more often than not.
To enjoy a networking session and build a genuine bridge towards people you do not know, this is what I try to do and what I would suggest others to do:
* show up without a self-centered agenda
* be GENUINELY interested in people and willing to know more about them
* approach people to start a real and unselfish conversation asking how they feel, what they like, what they are worried about, what challenge is keeping them busy, what did they think of the conference eventually attended, etc.
* speak with authenticity as you would do with good friends at a dinner table, letting others get to know yourself for you you really are (with your skills, intelligence and imperfect view of the world)
* listen to understand, not to reply
* offer to help in any way you can, before asking for help
* remember to have fun and do never take yourself too seriously
I am sure that by being an interesting and respectful person caring for others you will cross path with someone who will really be there to help you in the future.
Feeling at ease
As a side note, if you tend to be shy and nervous during networking (as many are), here's my tips:
* smile, walk around and stay cool - no one is there to judge you (even if you think so)
* as you walk around, approach small groups (instead of large groups) and say hi: you will be very often welcomed. And if not, be ready to move on as that group do not deserve your time.
* as you will be one of the very few genuinely listening and willing to genuinely get to know more about others, be open for rewarding conversations
For more tips, that's a good article: focus on points 7, 8, 15 and 16
Good luck!
